


cause every time i see your face, i break a little

by axiciaaa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Anal Sex, Angst, Getting Together, M/M, Separation Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 07:26:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11226159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/axiciaaa/pseuds/axiciaaa
Summary: Hinata and Kageyama knew they loved each other, but were too terrified to admit it. Then, life goes on.





	cause every time i see your face, i break a little

**Author's Note:**

> ahhh first fic to reach 8k+++ words! I poured my heart and soul into this one and I hope you all enjoy. I do wish that my sleepless nights would be worth it nyahaha
> 
> all my works are unedited and unbeta'd so pls dont hesitate to point out mistakes thank you!!!

Everything was different now.

 

So different that it was overwhelming, really. When the once-first years entered their third years, one of them was bound to become the captain for their volleyball team, and that captain was named Kageyama. Everyone except him was ecstatic. Sure, the raven-haired man had his heart pounding, but not with excitement, not with joy, but with fear.

 

Delicate fingers push the ball the upwards as Kageyama’s eyes focus on it. Though his mind was elsewhere - far, far, from the thought of the ball. The whole captain thing was stressful for someone who isn’t an exemplar when it comes to socializing. The redhead did that – doing all those greetings and ceremonies they have to traditionally follow. The vice-captain wasn’t also a social butterfly, but Tsukishima was doing better than the setter, _so much better._

 

It was the newly named ace who had popped the bubble and pushed him out of his thoughts, his eyes twinkling and face red with laughter. Hinata had surprised him with a back attack, and it caught Kageyama completely off guard, toppling them both with Hinata on top, sitting on Kageyama’s legs.

 

“Caught the captain!” Hinata exclaimed, his cherry-colored ears perked up. Kageyama eyed the redhead in shock, his face also reddening.

 

Sure, this was a normal scenario between the freak duo. It was always a surprise attack from either one of them, a contest of speed and wit that made them helplessly laugh after every teasing. It was like that, until they entered their second years.

 

Being second years were both exciting and confusing – you were a senior, but also an underclassman. They were both the senpai and kouhai during club activities. Hinata had welcomed it, knowing his place very well. Kageyama, on the other hand, had difficulty communicating with the first years, not knowing which tone of discipline he should use. The black-haired man had graduated from his tyrannical figure, but he was terrified to scare off his teammates with his old habits, the image of a supposedly missed ball still lingered at the back of his mind. _Old habits die hard._

But Hinata, _oh Hinata,_ was always there. He was always correcting his mistakes, often telling him _“not to use that scary voice on the first years,_ ” always backing him up when the lower years’ eyes were regret when they lost their first match and the setter had no idea how to comfort them. When Kageyama had obtained a sprain from landing wrongly on his left foot, Hinata had pestered him all day just to have him check it at the hospital. It was annoying at first, but it became endearing after a while. _He was always there_ , and as much as the setter hated to admit it, he loved his presence. _He loved him._

Oh. Shit.

 

Was his first response to the foreign emotion. For someone who had little to no skills with people, he fell in love. Hard. And it was with his partner. _Oh fucking hell full of shit._ He ignored it at first, using this newly found feelings as a defense mechanism, pushing the redhead aside when he was getting touchy. But when Hinata would show those puppy eyes begging for affection, Kageyama knew he lost right from the very start.

And it was like that for the next passing years in high school. They would flirt, but one party would scurry away when things got a little out of hand, when their ears would also redden and both of them looked like cherry tomatoes about to pop. They both had their shares of awkward silences and red faces tingly with embarrassment. But they didn’t know – Kageyama didn’t know that his partner was also in love with him.

 

Hinata had shared the same reaction with regards to falling in love with the setter – doubt. Perhaps it was just the small population within the confines of Karasuno. But the ace knew damn well that was an excuse. He had friends outside the campus. He had connections to people outside the prefecture, but here he is, stuck with the idea of him falling in love because of the small variety of people. He acknowledged his feelings all well to the point of being afraid. Afraid that he might get rejected and ruining those precious years of becoming his partner-in-crime, being the number 2 in the freak duo.

 

So when graduation came, they both knew that their first loves were coming to a close. Standing for the last time in front of the team they’re about to leave, Kageyama’s heart sank. He was going to miss this, this team they had grown with, spent most of their days with. With his final words as captain, he bid farewell to Karasuno. It was an eventful and lovely three years of his life.

 

“Hey Yama.” Hinata had started as they were going home, the redhead walking with his bike on his right, Kageyama on the left.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“When are you leaving?” Kageyama’s keen senses noticed the sadness in the redhead’s voice. Tokyo was a magnificent city offering up numerous opportunities, and the setter was bound to go there for college. While the ace was going to Sapporo for a scholarship program from a powerhouse university, Kageyama was accepted into a university with the same situation – powerhouse, scholarship and all. And that meant distance. Distance from his best friend he has grown to love.

 

“Two weeks.” It was supposed to come out as a sigh, but Kageyama had said it flatly. He meant it to be sad, but more than sadness, he was longing. “You’re still here for another month?”

 

Hinata gave a big, toothy smile. “Yeah and it’s not like I can go anywhere. I have this internship thingy at the other side of town.”

 

“Getting busy, eh?”

 

“Same goes for you! You have online interviews and stuff like that going on. You’re basically star now, getting recommended to the National team and all. So lucky!” Kageyama eyed him curiously, noticing how his smile was reaching the ends of his cheeks. Then the redhead’s face settled into a gentle smile, eyes determined as he looked up at the setter. “But I won’t lose.”

 

And this was it. All fired up Hinata that Kageyama absolutely loved. It was a side that kept Kageyama going, even when his legs were giving up on him during intense matches. It was this Hinata that pushed him to his limits and broke past it. He was going to miss it, miss all of him. From his doe-eyed smiles and orange hair that went up in many directions. His petite physique that keeps surprising his competitiors by how far he jumped, how fast he moved, how his fingers would play flatly against the ball and hit it to the other side. He’ll miss his toothy smiles and crinkled eyes, his red cheeks and heart shaped ears. His voice that would reach his ears and make a total mess out of him. And at times like this, he would wonder and regret why he hadn’t pursued his high school romance.

 

Journeying towards home for the very last time, Kageyama felt like crying while clinging onto those thoughts.

* * *

College wasn’t all partying and alcohol, Kageyama realized. It was not like those of Oikawa’s story telling where “everyone gets fucked up by Saturday morning because of hookups and on Mondays because of hangovers.” No, college was a place for studying the theories behind volleyball, the history of it, Chemistry classes, Modern Literature, Advanced English, Social Psychology and other subjects the setter couldn’t contain in a single binder. Kageyama wasn’t up for partying, he realized, when Oikawa had dragged him into one of those pool parties where all the drinks were spiked and faces went unrecognized. And he didn’t enjoy it, despised it even.

 

“I thought you hated me.” Kageyama had reasoned as Oikawa had offered him an alcoholic drink, with the brunet seemingly drunk and flowing with the music.

“I do! I do, Tobio-chan. That’s why I’m getting you drunk.” Intoxicated, the brunet was much more honest and brutal. Oikawa had danced with everyone, bodies pressing up with each other as strobe lights painted that crowded place and by the time Kageyama blinked, he was gone, blending in with the pool of people. Kageyama just sat down on one of the couches that smelled of sweat. It was disgusting, but it’s not like he has a choice. He sipped the drink and immediately regretted it.

 

“Kageyama-kun?” A voice had shouted, Kageyama had looked up and saw Oikawa’s partner, the ex-ace of Aoba Josai.

 

“Iwaizumi-san.” The setter stood up, drink long abandoned to who-knows-where. Their gazes settled upon each other, long and cold.

 

“I’m guessing parties aren’t your thing.” Iwaizumi said, eyeing the crowd, perhaps searching for his friend.

 

“I guess so.” Was the blank reply. They both stared at each other for a while till an arm swung itself on Kageyama’s shoulder.

 

“Myaaaa! Oh!” Oikawa’s eyes sparked up and looked at Iwaizumi, then at Kageyama, then at Iwaizumi once more, and giggled heartily. “Iwa-chan and Tobio-chan are fwends now— _hic_ —That makes me super happy!”

 

Iwaizumi snorted. “You’re drunk, Shittykawa.” An annoyed expression crept up to the spiky-haired man’s face. He then turned to Kageyama. “Look, I’m taking this bastard back to our apartment. You just ditch this party, I’ll tell Oikawa here that you hooked up with some girl.”

 

“Yeah. Uhm, thanks.” And with that he walked towards the exit. Before leaving completely, he looked past his shoulders just to see if Iwaizumi needed help in carrying the ex-captain.

 

Then he saw.

 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa were kissing.

 

Not only kissing, _they were frenching._

 

Two ex-Aoba Josai players, not to mention childhood friends, feeling each other up on a sweaty couch, their tongues battling over each other. No one paid mind to them, everyone else was too busy dancing and getting drunk. Except Kageyama, who was in turn about to leave but was caught by the scene all too much.

 

He sighed, turned his heel and completely left the catastrophe called a pool party.

 

That night, all alone in his apartment, he recalled the memory of the two people who sparked some kind of interest inside Kageyama’s mind, then he pulled out his phone, swiped through his contacts and stared at the name that kept him up most nights.

 

Hinata Shouyo.

 

He still wanted him so badly despite being apart for almost five months.

* * *

His first hookup went horribly wrong.

 

After finishing a year in college, Oikawa had urged Kageyama into a hookup. “You’re too lonely!” came out the reason, other excuses spilling from the brunet’s mouth. So the ex-setter had dragged the raven-haired man into another party, less people this time.

 

He met a girl named Aiko. She had pale orange hair and long lashes, her stature was small and thin.  (And Kageyama wouldn’t admit it but she reminded him of a certain someone.) They had gone back to Aiko’s apartment, with Oikawa sneaking a smirk just before they left.

 

They had a couple of drinks and after a few rounds, the girl was already tipsy. She had pushed up Kageyama on her kitchen counter and played with the zipper that adorned Kageyama’s shirt front. Completely baffled, Kageyama was hesitant. He knew this was going to happen, but his mind was blank by the touch of a stranger.

 

One thing led to the other and before Kageyama knew it, he was thrusting into the girl at her bedroom, lights out and air heavy. Being his first time, Kageyama was nervous as hell and just went with the flow. Little did he know that he was breathing a different name while screwing with Aiko.

 

Wide-eyed and flustered, he looked at the orange-hair girl to see some sort of reaction, an expression of disgust or anything at all. Instead, the girl smiled at him and giggled. “It’s alright. It’s not like we’re dating.”

 

And it was true, the next minutes were shameless spilling of names that weren’t the girl’s nor Kageyama’s. Aiko was screaming someone else’s name, too, so was Kageyama, who kept whispering the name of a redhead who was a thousand miles apart, like a mantra, as if the other could hear him.

 

When they had finished, Aiko had thanked Kageyama and apologized for making it an awkward first hookup. Kageyama had left and headed for his apartment, contemplating on how damn much he wanted to do those kinds of things to Hinata.

* * *

His hookups continued. It was just a pang of pleasure for a second, and the next was just a contemplation of shame. Every time he bedded with someone – regardless if it was with a female or male, he had a different person on his head, as if there was a filter that had blurred the face of his partner and replaced it with a familiar look of beautiful smiles and orange hair.

 

He had regretted it, savoring the different tastes of different strangers, but it was his coping mechanism. He still longed for the redhead, even after two years of separation. A coping mechanism he felt ashamed of. The last thing he wanted to happen was Hinata seeing his face dirtied by another person. Phone calls weren’t enough, even their skyping sessions only sparked more longing in his chest, a pain deep and perpetual.

* * *

“Sugawara-san?” It was nine in the evening when Kageyama received a call from an unknown number. Carefully, his fingers pressed the green button and put the phone to his ear, recognizing the voice on the other line.

 

“Hey Kageyama-kun! It’s been so long!”

 

“Yeah, I guess it has been.”

 

The other voice giggled. “Look, I’m organizing a reunion party for the Karasuno volleyball team! And I’ll be glad if you would come. I sent the details on LINE but I’m calling just to be sure you’ll check it.” His voice was cheery, the same Sugawara that everyone adored during their reigning days. (Especially, Daichi, who was in fact secretly in love with the silver-haired setter.) “You’ll be coming, right?”

 

“Yeah, of course.”

 

“Great! It’ll be on Sunday so we’re sure everyone would come. The following Monday is a holiday, anyway. That’s fine right?”

 

“It’s perfect.”

 

“Great! See you next week!” The phone call ended.

 

Finally, _fucking finally,_ an opportunity. Suga said everyone would be there, everyone including a certain redhead who was in Sapporo and would hopefully be in Tokyo the following week.

 

Kageyama laid on his bed, arms spread out on his sides. For the first time in two years, he was happy.

* * *

The week was horrendously slow. It was a back and forth movement between classes, part-time and apartment and it was tiring, especially when he was preparing himself for a whirlwind of emotions the coming week.

 

Two years. Two years they haven’t seen each other personally. They had a million phone calls that went on for hours, skyping till late in the AM, sending postcards and pictures to each other, but they were never enough. Sapporo was far. Hell _, it was on the other side of Japan_. It was 2 hours on flight (but flights were expensive, screw that) and 19 hours by train. It was nigh impossible, considering their schedules clashing: with one on break, and the other on term. And no matter how bad they wanted to see each other, it was just…. Vague.

 

But the week ended and flew out like the early winter breeze. And here he was, now standing in front of a Japanese Restaurant, heart beating hard against his ribs. When he entered the vicinity that privately held their reunion, everyone greeted him a warm welcome. Sugawara said everyone would be there, hopefully they were.

 

The large, wooden Chabudai was placed on the center of a quaint, spacious room. It was big enough to house the ex-Karasuno players and there was still some room left around. The place was dimly lit with Japanese paper lanterns.

 

“Kageyama-kun! I’m so glad you could make it!” Sugawara had started and everyone cheered after. He was seated beside Asahi. “We’re still waiting for some others, come sit down and have some appetizers.” Like obliged, he seated himself across Sugawara, with Tanaka and Nishinoya offering the seat on their middle.

 

“Oi Tobio! Did you grow taller again?” Tanaka said, his arms swinging around Kageyama’s neck, catching him in a headlock. Nishinoya playfully punched the setter’s elbow.

 

“Got a girlfriend, Tobio-kun? Eyyyyy!” The libero roared. They were basically the main source of the noise within the room, always earning a hushing glance from Sugawara and chuckles from the rest. Ten minutes later, the chime sounded announcing the arrival of a guest. Kageyama’s heart leapt again, his hands suddenly damp with sweat.

 

Tsukishima entered and Kageyama’s worries were eased immediately.

 

“Good evening~” The blond had greeted in a monotonous voice. He had to set out his headphones and put it inside his bag. He was also greeted with the same warm welcome Kageyama received.

 

“It’s rare to see Yamaguchi and you apart, Tsukishima-kun!” Sugawara chimed, chopsticks on his hand ready to get a sushi.

 

“Not really.” He deadpanned and seated himself somewhere at the back near. “Plus, he’s picking up Yachi-san.”

 

“Ohhh yeah.” Nishinoya said with sushi in his mouth. “I forgot they were an item.”

 

“They are?” Kageyama looked genuinely surprised, as well as Asahi, wide-eyed and red.

 

“Yup! Haven’t you heard? They got together during their first year in college.” Sugawara said. Kageyama was still in disbelief as he managed to fill his mouth with Gyoza.

 

“Reaaaally? Tsukki-kun, did you know?” Tanaka had sneered.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“And it doesn’t hurt youuuuuu, hmmmm?”

 

“Of course it doesn’t.”

 

“Reallyyyyyyy?” Nishinoya and Tanaka chorused, earning a grimaced look from the blond.

 

“Why would I-“

 

The chime rang again. “Tsukishima-kun’s dating the ex-captain of Nekoma, Kuroo-san.” It was Daichi who was in three layers of clothing. “Good evening, it’s cold outside.”

 

Tsukishima’s face was on fire at the mention of Nekoma’s ex-captain. Tanaka, Nishinoya, Asahi and Kageyama were wide-eyed, completely ignoring the arrival of their ex-captain.

 

“You’re dating the Scheming Captain?!” A unison-scream from Tanaka and Nishinoya emerged. And the next few moments were an interrogation of “What? When? How?”

 

“Yes. And please pipe down. Daichi-san, thank you for giving me out. I appreciate it.” The blond’s voice was heavy with sarcasm, earning a sneaky chuckle from the ex-captain. As sat down, Daichi ruffled Suga’s hair and kissed him on the cheek, making Tanaka, Nishinoya and Kageyama snap.

 

“YOU’RE DATING?” The trio asked, their faces closed in into the duo.

“Obviously.” Sugawara giggled. Baffled, the trio sat down, silent as the new information forced itself inside their brains. Asahi was laughing out loud at the priceless reactions being shown.

 

“Asahi, you knew?!” The libero beamed, feeling defeated.

 

“Yup.” He proceeded to laugh. “I didn’t wanna tell you because you’ll be murdering Suga-san with messages again.”

 

“Y’all are playing me!”

 

“Me too!” Tanaka had agreed, putting his two hands to his temples, nursing a headache. “All this new information! Damn, I’m spent.”

 

The chime announced another arrival. It was Yachi and Yamaguchi, along with Ennoshita, Kinoshita and Narita. Kageyama’s heart jumped for the nth time this evening, only to let it settle down and bow his head in embarrassment. It was still early, and they were still waiting for two more people.

 

They were exchanging stories of their different experiences throughout their separation, college and work. They talked about their hookups gone wrong and ex-lovers who they wanted to laugh at. Everyone was loud, even Daichi and Asahi were going on about with their stories. The only silent one was Kageyama.

 

All eyes went on him after Yachi told the story about missing classes. Tanaka snickered and elbowed Nishinoya, whispering something into his ear, and Nishinoya replying through small voices, laughing and giggling through their little chit-chat. The wing spiker smirked at the setter.

 

“So~ Kageyama-kun.”

 

Kageyama looked up from the glass of Draft Beer he was drinking. “Yes?” He said in his usual, monotonous voice.

 

“Got a girl? Or a boy? Or what?”

 

“What?”

 

Tsukishima chuckled mischievously. “He’s asking if you’re dating anyone, in case your brain can’t comprehend anything other than volleyball.”

 

Kageyama glared at the blond. “You little…” It was a common occurrence. The two of them arguing like there’s no tomorrow, but they knew they meant no harm. He looked at Tanaka again, the wing spiker waiting for an answer. “No.”

 

Nishinoya grimaced and shouted incoherent words. Tanaka was smiling gloriously, as if he had won victory. The libero reached out for his wallet and glared menacingly at the wing spiker, who in turn was smirking. “That’s the second time already!”

 

Shimizu had entered the room also and casually saying “Sorry I’m late.” She still looked gorgeous, handing the lot an almond cake as compensation. Meaning they were just missing one person.

 

Kageyama’s heart was sinking.

 

What if he couldn’t make it? What if Sapporo just didn’t have any flights bound for Tokyo? That was plausible and the thought of it being true just took a toll on Kageyama. It had been years and the only opportunity they can meet face-to-face was rui-

 

The chime rang. Kageyama’s face heated up.

 

It was him.

 

Hinata Shouyo in all his glory.

 

The redhead’s face was pale and half-covered with a red striped scarf, ears red. When he entered the room, everyone cheered a welcome chant. Of course they’d give an applause to the man who came farthest from Tokyo, specifically at the other side of Tokyo.

 

“Shoyou!” Nishinoya cheered as he held up his draft beer. “Glad you’re back!”

 

“Hey guys! I’m back.” His doe-eyed smile made Kageyama’s night. He fucking missed that. He fucking missed Hinata. When their glances met, Hinata smiled lovingly at Kageyama and took the seat next to him, Nishinoya happily giving way to the duo. The libero sat down next to Tanaka, this time on his other side.

 

Kageyama was jumping, not literally, but he was happy. More than happy.

 

“Hmm, why isn’t Ukai-sensei and Takeda-sensei here?” The redhead had asked, his mouth full of steamed Takoyaki. Sugawaa looked at him and replied.

 

“They’re both busy, though, we were gonna reschedule but they told us to go ahead.”

 

“They’re so kind.” Hinata smiled. The night went on and Hinata had told them tales about his experiences in Sapporo, how everything was different but not so different, ‘if that made sense,’ how he met people and how he surprised everyone with how well he jumped. Hinata had grown, though he was still small compared to the ex-Karasuno players (Nishinoya was an exception, though.)

 

* * *

 

When the night deepened and it was undeniably late, everyone chirped in some money to pay for the bill, the seniors taking most of the bills since they were the ones already working. Tanaka and Nishinoya were both drunk, the other being an emotional drunk and the latter, fast asleep with heads down on the table. They all wrapped it up, with Yachi and Yamaguchi leaving together. Ennoshita, Kinoshita and Narita leaving together as well. Little time has passed till Tsukishima announced his departure.  They were numbering out as Asahi took Nishinoya and Tanaka out. Sugawara, Daichi, Kageyama and Hinata were the ones left, and after a brief farewell – they had separated ways.

 

So after a long, fun night, Kageyama and Hinata were left alone.

 

“Where’s your hotel?” Kageyama was tense,  but he did his best to try and mask his nervousness.

 

“Not exactly a hotel, more like an inn. It’s just a ten-minute walk from here.” The redhead had pointed out, his face still red maybe because of alcohol. Kageyama took his chances.

 

“I’ll walk you there.”

 

Hinata glanced up at him, some sort of surprise present in his face. “Oh no, it’s fine. It’s late, and you need to go home, too.”

 

An irked expression presented itself on Kageyama’s face. “I need to walk too, thinking of sobering up a little. Can’t I?”

 

There was a beat of silence until Hinata smiled. “Sure.”

* * *

Somehow, they both end up at a park, the two of them being the only ones’ present in the abandoned space. It was cold, truly, a frost forming every time they breathed heavy or spoke. Hinata was overwhelmed with the desire to tackle the setter into a hug. Two years was too long.

 

He would’ve done that already. But his heart was leaping in different directions, suppressing the urges he was doing his best to hide. He wanted Kageyama so badly, needed him close and enveloped completely. But he was afraid – afraid to get rejected and ruin the years of friendship they have. Who was he? He was just an old volleyball teammate who spiked his tosses, it’s not like he was the only one who could do that.

 

So Hinata had done what he was good at: talking. Kageyama was sauntering behind him, a small distance separating the two players.

 

“So,” The redhead started, hands shoved inside his coat’s pockets. “How’s life, Yama.”

 

Kageyama breathed out in relief. _Finally_. “Stop calling me Yama. And I’m fine. Still playing as a setter but not yet a regular.”  He looked up at the ex-ace “You?”

 

“Back to square one. But they said I was an efficient decoy.” They were side-to-side now, each of them drinking in the image of each other.  “Kageyama, I…”

 

Kageyama’s hands had become edgy.

 

“I missed you. Like, a lot.” Hinata’s mouth had settled into a mellow smile. His eyes glinted with tenderness. It took Kageyama a moment before he could return the smile. It was just a tug on his mouth, be it was a genuine smile.

 

“I…. I missed you, too.” His words of fondness reached Hinata and he was regretting not seeing him in all those two years. “It’s like, I look for you and you’re not there.”

 

“Wow, I never thought I’d lived to hear you say that.”

 

“Shut up. I won’t do it anymore.”

 

Hinata laughed heartily. “No, no. Do that more often.”

 

“You’ve…. Changed.” Kageyama looked straight forward and when he glanced at the redhead, some kind of fear was present in my eyes.

 

“Is that bad?” His expression was dark. Kageyama regretted saying that.

 

“No, no, not at all.” He had out his hands together to keep warm. “It’s like you don’t throw yourself at me anymore. I kinda missed that, I gotta admit but I like you like this, too.”

 

Hinata blushed, his walking pace getting faster. He laughed to mask his agitation. “Then I guess it’s a good change? College does things to you, you agree with me?”

 

Kageyama thinks about his hookups and shudders.

 

“Say Yama, do you have a lover?” A second of silence. Kageyama’s hands were clammy with anxiety.

 

“No, not exactly.” A complete mistake with the use of words. _Stupid goddamn self_ , Kageyama thought. He saw Hinata’s face go still.

 

“Not exactly?” The redhead had looked away. “…Got hookups?”

 

“Oh, no, I mean yes, wait, no… Oh god.”

 

He heard Hinata feigned a chuckle. “You’re really bad at lying, did you know that?”

 

“I…”

 

“So what if you have one-night stands? I have my fair share of mine.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah!” There was a slight strain in his voice. He finally looked at the setter, eyes closed and eyebrows twitching. “I mean, college, it’s just the perfect time for…. Those things.”

 

Kageyama stayed silent. He was about to open his mouth when Hinata tugged at his coat, looking up at the setter with yearning. The setter was completely caught off guard and searched some kind of meaning behind those brown eyes.

 

“Hey Kageyama. I haven’t had a hookup in months.” He brought the setter closer to him, Hinata’s face close to his chest. “Mind if you keep me company tonight?”

 

Kageyama bit his lip as he delved into his thoughts. A vulnerable Hinata presented himself in front of the setter and he either had to decline the invitation he might never get again, or indulge with the redhead and spill the longing he held in for years.

* * *

The moment they entered Hinata’s hotel room, the redhead had clutched the shirtfront of the setter and crushed their lips in a frenzy kiss. The air was terribly heavy when Kageyama slammed Hinata against the door, pressing their bodies impossibly close to each other. Their tongues danced against each’s mouth, Kageyama trapping Hinata’s lower lip with his teeth. There was a second when both of them had caught each other’s eyes, half-lidded and glistening with lust. Hinata had rested his hands against Kageyama’s chest, Kageyama’s left arms supporting his weight against the door and the other encircling around Hinata’s small hips.

 

They both pulled out for a moment to catch their breaths and dived into another sloppy kiss again in a matter of second. Kageyama licked the redhead’s lower lips, asking for entrance, and Hinata was more than eager as he opened his mouth, letting the taller’s tongue snake in and make a mess out of him. A low moan escaped Kageyama’s mouth and it was the sexiest thing Hinata had heard in his life. Hinata had discarded his own coat, tearing off Kageyama’s once his was on the floor. Now all was left was Kageyama’s black turtle neck sweater that made his mouth water.

 

Hinata tried his best to wrap his legs around the setter’s waist, but the height difference made it a difficult task for the shorter. Kageyama noticed his effort and boosted the redhead with his arms, helping Hinata successfully wrap his legs around Kageyama. They continued kissing, their tongues knocking onto each other in desperation. Kageyama left Hinata’s lips when he started kissing the redhead’s neck, alternating between bites and licks on the spaces between his shoulder and neck.

 

Hinata moaned shamelessly, getting lost at Kageyama’s every touch. His groans sent shivers down the setter’s spine, making his movements swifter and more prominent. Purple bruises designed the ace’s neck.

 

It was a fleet of more hot kisses when they got to the bed, Kageyama lowering Hinata down gently, as if he was going to shatter. He laid a top of the redhead and continued biting down on his neck, jaw and lips. Hinata’s growing erection made contact with Kageyama’s through their clothes, begging for release at it began to hurt inside his pants.

 

Hinata made the initiative to wriggle Kageyama out of his jeans, unzipping it with shaking hands and tugging them off. Hinata had to sit up to remove his own, discarding them to the floor along with his shirt and Kageyama’s turtle neck. When they were completely naked, they had delved between the sheets, in hopes engulfing themselves with more heat.

 

Kageyama hovered above Hinata, letting his tongue and lips slide down his body, stopping at a nipple. “Can I?”

 

Hinata moaned lowly. “Yo-you don’t have to ask.” Kageyama did just that, attacking the redhead’s nipple with his lips, biting on it and sucking it red. Hinata groaned out and gasped as the raven-haired swirled his tongue around the one nipple then switched to the other.

 

“Kageya…ma-ugh.” The tongue had abandoned his nipples and moved down.

 

When Kageyama was done, he hovered himself lower, the setter’s skilled fingers lightly touching Hinata’s erection. He leaned forward and stole one more kiss from Hinata’s lips and dove at Hinata’s thighs. The setter peppered Hinata’s inner thighs with kisses and bites, increasing the moans that fell from Hinata’s mouth. The raven-haired worked his mouth on the Hinata’s cock rather suddenly, head bobbing up and down as he tasted the ace’s slick member.

 

Groans and gasps escaped the shorter’s mouth, his face melting into an expression of indescribable pleasure. Kageyama’s eyes caught Hinata’s as he deep throated the redhead, making Hinata scream out in pleasure. After finishing with his mouth, Kageyama stretched out his fingers, making Hinata squirm.

 

“Lube?”

 

“A-at the messenger bag, on the floor at the edge of the bed.” Kageyama obliged and desperately searched for it. When he had found it, he set it down and looked over at Hinata one more time, completely wrecked but aching for more.

 

“Do you have condoms?”

 

There was a pause. “N-no, I don’t think so.” Hinata had sat up and moved closer to Kageyama who was still at the edge of the bed. He put his arms around the setter’s neck, his chest against the taller’s back. He placed his mouth on the setter’s ear and nibbled on it, making Kageyama moan. “Hey… Do me raw.”

 

Kageyama looked at him, eyes wide and cheeks red. Hinata grabbed his shoulders and pulled him towards the bed, falling and returning to their former position, Kageyama on top of the ace. “It’s fine. As long as it’s you…” Hinata caught the setter’s lips in another open-mouthed kiss.

 

It wasn’t long till Kageyama had finally given in and coated his fingers with lube, fingering Hinata and earning him these sexy moans that made the setter’s head spin. When he was finally stretched, Kageyama aligned his cock with Hinata’s hole and going in slowly, careful not to hurt the redhead.

 

It was hot and tight inside the redhead, thrusting into him made Kageyama’s body heat up. A perfectly angled thrust made Hinata scream. The ace was wrecked, his hair dishelved, fingers clutching the sheets as Kageyama made his way inside him.

 

“Ah-ah! Kage…. _Tobio_.” His thrusts increased in speed when Hinata had said his name. His name in that hot, lovely voice.

 

“Shouyo… Sho… Shit, I’m close.”

 

Hinata’s delicate fingers reach up to caress Kageyama’s cheek, tears in his eyes. “Come… come inside….”

 

Kageyama gritted his teeth. He was so close, _so close_ , and he felt that Hinata was too. He thrusted in a bit more until the pressure on his cock had heightened and it was pure, white release for the both of them.

 

The setter had collapsed beside Hinata, gasping for air as the string of pleasure to lingered in his body. When they both had calmed down, Hinata had gone up to saunter towards the bathroom. Kageyama lay there, still in awe with what happened. His head was still fuzzy, but he could clearly here the water running from the bathroom. After a moment, Hinata had joined Kageyama in the bed, moving closer to lay his head on Kageyama’s chest. The black-haired man wrapped his arms around the redhead, peppering Hinata with sweet, soft kisses on his forehead.

 

Neither of them saying a word, they lay there and drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

* * *

When Hinata woke, Kageyama had already bathed and was dressed, preparing coffee for the both of them. The setter adorned his turtle neck that made him look oh so good. _Delicious_. “Good morning.” The setter had greeted, his face still flushed. Hinata returned his greeting with a sweet smile and sleepy eyes. As if it wasn’t the cutest thing Kageyama had laid eyes upon on.

 

Hinata rubbed his nose and threw on a shirt before entering the bathroom, giving Kageyama a quick kiss on the lips.

* * *

It felt a little too real – the bliss, the butterflies in their stomachs, the heat they longed for. Every touch lingered a little too longer, like it was printed on their skins, fingertips patterned on each other’s flesh. They loved it, Hinata – hoping the marks Kageyama left would never fade away.

 

They would eventually fade, like the days and seconds spent together. It was a reality they refused to accept. But the world was cruel and some corny string fate had to separate one more time. _It was like leaving Highschool again._

Hinata stood there at the airport, his face a mixed expression of emotions. He let Kageyama drink his image one last time before departing and going back to Sapporo. The setter’s eyes were warm on the redhead.

 

“I’ll see you soon.” Hinata breathed out, voice hefty and eyes low.

 

“Yeah.” Kageyama replied. “I hope very soon.”

 

Hinata giggled. “I’ll try my best.” They stood there for a moment, a doleful silence had settled upon them. Kageyama had reached out a hand to caress Hinata’s cheeks. Hinata nuzzled on his hand, cheeks reddening with warmth. He leaned towards the ace unhurriedly. They both met halfway fixated on a slow, dulcet kiss.

 

And just like that, Hinata left.

 

Kageyama felt like crying again, but he held back the tears as he journeyed towards home.

 

* * *

Kageyama realized that home wasn’t a place, but a person. And that person happens to be a hundred miles away from him, nestling somewhere far away. So when he lay on his bed, a sudden sadness turned him over, making him unable to sleep comfortably for days.

 

He missed Hinata.

 

He wondered if long-distance relationships worked. So at 1 in the morning, he phoned the person he knew was am expert with this.

* * *

 

“What.” A pause, then a muffled noise was on the other line. “Do you want?” It was Tsukishima, a very annoyed Tsukishima.

 

“I guess it’s an ungodly hour to call, right?”

 

“Wow, you’re using your head. Wish you used it before you-ugh-“ A groan. “Called.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry but I just… couldn’t get some sleep.”

 

Another annoyed sound came from the other line. “So what, you wanted me to play the part for pillowtalk?” A cough came out.

 

“No, are you okay there? You’ve been squirming.”

 

He did squirm, but it was quick. “I’m fine. Now talk, I don’t have—mhm—much time.”

 

“Okay. I kinda have the hunch that you and Kuroo-san had been in a long-distance relationship.”

 

“ _Ugh_ , Yeah?”

 

“Well,” Tsukishima whimpered, but Kageyama ignored it. “How did you work it out?”

 

“Planning it on shrimpy?”

 

“I mentioned no one.”

 

“Whatever but—wait—“ Tsukishima sighed, breathing hitched.

 

“Tsukishima-kun? Are you alright?” The other line was full of ragged breathing and incoherent whispering. When a voice came up, it wasn’t Tsukishima anymore.

 

_Oh. Shit._

 

It was Nekoma ex-captain, Kuroo, that spoke up. “Call him every day, bother him with the smallest things like what color is your underwear. If you’re horny, have some phone sex. A relationship dies when you let it.” He deadpanned. Then he heard Tsukishima moaning. Red attacked the setter’s face. “Good night~” was Kuroo’s final singsong words.

* * *

They met again a three years later, when both have graduated and had scored a job. They were still beginning with their careers but baby steps make perfect futures.

It was during Yachi’s 21st birthday when they had gone to Miyagi for her celebration. Again, Hinata was running late. Domestic flights ran later than international ones. But all they had to do was sit patiently. He was coming, they all knew that.

 

Tanaka had taken the seat beside Kageyama as a small house party commenced.

 

“Hey Kageyama, how are you?” Tanaka had grown a beard over the years and it looked undeniably good on him. Kageyama had learned to smile genuinely now, though it was just a slight crook on the lips.

 

“I’m good.” He replied politely.

 

“How are you and Hinata?” A glum smile had found its way to the wing spiker’s mouth. At the mention of the redhead, Kageyama’s face fell. “Still not working it out, eh?”

 

Kageyama looked away, a forlorn look slinking on his face. “It’s not like he likes me that way or anything.”

 

Tanaka’s eyes widened. “What?”

 

“Well, yeah. I mean, he must be in love with some girl, right? Sapporo is a bi-“

 

“Nope,” Tanaka had cut him off. “Nope, no, Kageyama. That’s what keeps you from getting together.” Tanaka’s expression was dark, an unusual look for him outside the court. “Look, I’m not always a senpai who gives out the best but hear me out on this one.”

 

“I-I’m all ears.”

 

The wing spiker sighed. “When we were in highschool, Noya and I betted on the both of you once. I betted my bicycle. Stupid, right? Anyway, we betted if you were going to get together with Hinata during highschool. I believed that you were gonna get together by the way you act towards each other but I lost my bicycle during your graduation.”

 

Kageyama’s eyes were wide open. “Yeah, it was a pathetic bet. We made another one, remember when Sugawara-senpai got us together two years ago? We betted 5000 yen if you had finally had the guts to ask him out. I lost and waved goodbye to my hard-earned 5000 yen.” He sighed in defeat and looked Kageyama in the eyes. “Well, I’m not really blaming you for blasting my belongings, partially I do, but all I want to say it is that, have the fucking guts to ask him out. It’s been, what, six, seven years since we noticed you two had a thing for each other?”

 

Kageyama’s eyes fell to the floor. All the things he’s hearing made his heart thump, is head spin. He never actually asked the redhead if they wanted to be together. And learning about long-distance, Kuroo and Tsuksihima made theirs work, so why not give it a shot?

 

“Th-thank you, Tanaka-senpai.” Tanaka’s eyes suddenly snapped with sparkle.

 

“Ha! I’m a good senpai, aren’t I?” He laughed maniacally and stood up. “He’s coming tonight so you better be a man and start dating him. Good luck.”

* * *

That night, Hinata had fished out his phone to present a picture of a girl. It was his girlfriend from Sapporo. Something died inside Kageyama that night.

 

Her name was Hikari. She was a med student and played at the table tennis club. She had short, black hair and green eyes. Tanaka had glanced at Kageyama to check if he was okay, but Kageyama had replied with a depressed face, eyes falling slowly.

 

Everyone congratulated the redhead, including Kageyama, who painfully clapped his hands together in a chorus with the others. He talked to Hinata that night but he couldn’t remember what their conversation was about.

 

That night, he took Hinata home to savor him one last time, and finally set him free.

* * *

It was difficult. No, screw that, difficult wasn’t the word. It was a sweet pang of despair. His longing and love never returned after looking from afar for seven whole years. Then the regrets came and swooped him like a whirlwind. What if he had confessed earlier? What if he just professed his utmost love to him? What if things had worked out for them?

_What if he was brave?_

* * *

They met again. Their meetings had gotten more frequent after they had graduated. Hinata was trying to land a better job in Tokyo, since it offered up much more opportunities than the country sides. Every get-together was getting heavier for Kageyama. He suppressed his feelings so much that sometimes, he’d just burst out and started punching the walls until his knuckles were purple.

 

He met Hikari once. He hated her already. As if he had the right, it was the girl Hinata liked. He should like Hikari, too, but he couldn’t. His chest carried more anger than understanding

* * *

Three years passed and his feelings still lingers. Hikari and Hinata broke up after a while, and Hinata focused on his job as a teacher. But they would still meet, fuck, and then go their separate ways. It was enough, atleast its used to be.

 

But the days bled and spring had turned into summer and summer into autumn, and all the leaves died with the beauty of winter. Life goes on, but Kageyama is still stuck.

* * *

The setter had received a rather fancy envelope on his mail during a Saturday, when he had just gone home from grocery shopping. It was white and accentuated with silver. He entered his house before prying it open. The words written on the letter shocked him. Embedded in silver and gold read:

 

Kei and Tetsurou’s Wedding

Date and Time: September 27, Wednesday, 11am onwards

Attire: White Formal Wear

 

Other information was written at the back. He was surprised that time had gone by. Life goes on, indeed.

* * *

At the wedding, everyone from the old Karasuno and Nekoma team were present, other family and friends were present. Each person was cladded in either a white or beige attire, matching the motif of the ceremony. The designs and decorations of the wedding was simple yet elegant. White, gold and silver laces and ruffles draped against the altar with quaint chairs surrounding it. It was pristine and heartwarming, so was the ceremony, when the blond and black-haired man professed their loves in their wedding vows and “I do’s”

 

During the reception, everyone was giving out their toast speeches to the newly-wed couple. When it was Kageyama’s turn to speak. A nervous tang had gotten up the setter’s spine. He shook it off and stood up, all eyes on him. He cleared his throat. A set of brown eyes were particularly on him.

 

“Kei-not Tsukishima anymore, and Tetsurou Kuroo, to be honest I was more than shocked when I received your invitations.” This earned a laugh from the audience. “But of course I had to drag my ass to their wedding to see my ex-vice-captain get hitched. To put it simply, I thought you were a heartless jerk who did nothing but insult people.” A low “oh” had been heard from the crowd. “But I realized that the merciless glasses guy’s tactics to improve other people had to be the blunt and frank way. I know, I learned from it, he is one of the reasons why Karasuno won at the nationals.”

 

“And I also learned that Tsukishima here is an actual softy in the inside. Especially for Kuroo-san. _Only for Kuroo-san._ But Tsukishima, you deserve everything good in this world. When you fight for something, you fight for it especially when you know it’s right. And thank you for that.” Kageyama’s eyes travel and search in the crowd, he smiled to himself. “Another thing I learned from our journey is that you need to have courage.” He met the Hinata’s stare with a glance. “I admire Tsukishima for being brave to protect everyone dear to him. Even though he’s bad at it.” _Pot calling the kettle black._

“A toast to the newly-wedded couple!” Everyone cheered and toasted their chutes, making bouncy sounds off the walls.

* * *

 The dancefloor was open to everyone, and people made good use of this. Yachi and Yamaguchi were dancing with each other in a slow dance, as well as Suga and Daichi. The wedded couple was also there, Tsukishima’s ears red and face against his husband’s chest.

 

Kageyama had settled unto a seat, having sparkling champagne in his hands. He wasn’t a person of dance, his only performance being that in volleyball. He was glad to see his friends happy, happy with the people they love.

 

Somehow, it makes Kageyama sad.

 

A hand had reached for the setter’s shoulders. His eyes trailed to the arm’s owner, his heart leapt.

 

“Hey.” Hinata had a smile on his face, his voice soft.

 

“Hey.” Came Kageyama’s blank reply.

 

“You look really lonely there, thought I might keep you company.”

 

“Thanks.” They sat in a silence for a while. Until Kageyama felt a hand on his. His head jerked to his right, looking at Hinata.

 

“You know, it’s been too long. And honestly, I’m already stifling on my feelings.”

 

Kageyama was thrown off-guard.

 

“I, Kageyama, for a long time… I have…” Kageyama hushed the redhead with his finger. He gestured for them to leave. Before exiting, Kageyama had thrown Tsukishima and Kuroo a two-finger curt signed and mouthed “Thanks and Congrats.” They stormed out and headed for Kageyama’s apartment.

* * *

 When they got there, they were kissing again. Hard, intoxicating and sweet. It was a flurry of moments and not too long, they were on the same bed they made love for more than many times, naked and feeling each other.

 

Then Hinata heard Kageyama sob.

 

“Tobio?” Hinata caressed Kageyama’s cheeks tainted with tears. “Why are you crying, love?”

 

It didn’t take too long for Hinata to start crying, too. “It’s just,” Kageyama said. “I’ve waited too damn long for this. I’m sorry, Shoyou, that I’ve been a coward all these years. I was afraid and terrified that-“

 

“Hush, baby, take it easy. I’m all yours now. Ever since.” Hinata pressed his lips unto Kageyama’s. “I love you, I do."

 

“Me, too.” He kissed the redhead’s temples. “I lo-love you. So damn much."

 

That night, Kageyama and Hinata exchanged stories of their longing for each other, whispering words of apologies for waiting too long. 

* * *

 Hinata was woken up by the smell of fresh coffee and the sight of Kageyama in his black turtle neck.

 

“Good morning, Shou.” Kageyama greeted, earning a doe-eyed smile from the redhead. When Hinata got up to put on a shirt and meant to go to the bathroom, he pressed his lips on Kageyama’s, quick and soft.

 

“Good morning.”

 

 _Finally_.

 

**Author's Note:**

> ive had this idea for days and i just couldnt sleep one more night without writing it! it's slow and angsty and just the way i like it. honestly, i could see tsukki and kuro getting hitched first LOL and i made that as a trigger for kagehina to realize that they're meant for each other awww
> 
> anyway, i really liked this particular piece since it delved more into the personalities and sides of the ex-karasuno members and them noticing that the two volleyball idiots are head over heels in love with each other. i love the idea of them having repetitive one-night-stands just so they could feel each other's warmth.
> 
> ok lesson learned: have courage, ive to teach that myself, i just put it into words to make it easier.
> 
> please talk to me on instagram: @axiciaaa  
> i post fanart there, sometimes with regards to the fics. (plus i need internet friends hahahaha)
> 
> work's title is from a song called "break a little" by kirstin. i love the song so much and though it could fit.


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